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7 Jul

Most of you don’t know this about me, but God has blessed me with the gift of visions. I’m not talking about psychic, what’s the lotto numbers, Miss Cleo type visions. Most of the time they are open visions that I have to interpret, but there are occasions when the visions are direct and foretelling. For example the last time my grandfather went to the hospital, God showed me a vision of his funeral, a few minutes later the hospital called for us to come so that they can give us the news of his home going. These visions don’t happen often, but when they do I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly blessed. Earlier today God blessed me yet again with another vision that I’d like to share with you.

I was laying on the ground in an open field curled up in the fetal position. I was battered, broken, hopeless and helpless. Then Jesus walked up to me. In all the visions I’ve had of Jesus, the only parts of Him that I see are his eyes and his hole filled hands. There was only one vision out of all the visions I’ve had where I saw his robes, that was the most amazing vision I’ve ever had! I’m not sure why He only reveals His eyes and hands to me, but who am I to question? This time I only saw his eyes, even still I could not begin to tell you what color they are just know they are the most beautiful eyes you could ever look in to. Anyway, as I lay there wanting to die, I looked up at him and he looked at me with more love than I could ever imagine. It was almost unbearable for me to see him look at me with that much love. He reached down and picked me up and walked with me over to a bench, where he sat with me on his lap and just held me. He didn’t say a word, he just held me and allowed his love to radiate into me. I raised my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. There I saw me, but not as I am. I saw a little girl with pretty little pink bows in her hair. I was young and innocent, not polluted by the things of the world. I hadn’t been beaten up by life or by circumstances. I didn’t care about how this is gonna happen, or how that’s gonna happen, or what’s gonna happen with this situation. I was a beautiful, untainted, unscared, unbroken, innocent little girl. It amazes me that in all my mess that’s how he sees me. Yes, he knows my hurts and pains, he knows my weaknesses and shortcomings. Those things are a part of the me, but they are not ME. I’m his little girl that he loves with a love that is indescribable.

Has God ever given you a vision? If so, I’d love to hear about it. Please share.

Wait for the Lord

7 May

As I was preparing a tribute page for my mother on our family website, (it’s a work in progress), I was reading through some of my mom’s favorite passages of scripture and came across Psalm 27:10-14

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord cares for me. Because of my adversaries, show me Your way, Lord, and lead me on a level path. Do not give me over to the will of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing violence. I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord;
be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord.

The part that rang out to me is, “Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord.” As I thought about this scripture the wheels started turning. If this verse is telling us to wait as in to stand still and do nothing, then why would we need to be courageous and have a strong heart? Then I thought maybe this verse isn’t saying to wait as in to do nothing, but to wait as in to serve. Maybe what it is saying is that when all these things are going on around us, when we’re being attacked on every front, when we’ve fallen so far in a pit we don’t see a way out, to continue to serve him. To not face a problem then just sit there and do nothing while saying, “I’m waiting on God to fix this”, but to serve Him through it all. To serve Him no matter what life is throwing at us.

That’s my simple minded opinion. Thoughts?

God is…

5 Jun

A couple days ago both OnePrayer  and both asked us to finish the sentence, God is… After thinking about this for some time and considering the infinite things that God is, I’ve settled on discussing how God is love.

This description of God is one that hits me in the soul. For many years I’ve struggled with believing that I am loved. I had the hardest time believing that anyone could or would love me. I had my family around, but I thought they only loved me because we share a bloodline. I had a couple people that I considered friends, but I never thought they truly loved me. I believed there was a God and that He sent His Son, but how could he love me? God didn’t love me, or so I thought. Before I get into how I found out God loved me, let me go back to why I believe no one did.

I’ve been overweight all my life and a fat kid walking into school for the first time can be like a cow walking into a slaughterhouse. Kids like to poke fun and what makes for a better target than the kid that looks different from you. Not only was I the fat kid, I was the little black girl that talked like a little white girl. I had it tough, though I’m thankful now for what I went through then, while I was growing through it I didn’t understand. I thought it was me. I thought that there had to be something wrong with me for people to pick on me so much. Why would someone love me when there was something wrong with me?

I’m also my mother’s middle child. I have a sister who is seven years older than me and a brother who is seven years younger. Though I knew who my dad was, he was never really around except for to drop a few dollars in my hand every once in a while. So it was just me, my mom, my brother, my sister, and until I was 15 my granddad. I growing up in the middle was difficult. Middle children are often overlooked as was my case at times. My sister needed a lot of attention because she was the oldest. My brother needed a lot of attention because he was the youngest. With a single, working mother, what was left for me? Though I must say once my mom realized what was happening she did what she could to make sure I knew she loved me. But before that, how could my family love me when they don’t know I exist.

When I got older I did things to make sure I was noticed. I showered three or more times a day for a while. I didn’t leave my apartment without make up on. I spent way to much money on my hair and wardrobe, which I still can be guilty of. I had every brand of expensive perfumes and handbags that you could think of. All to mask who I really was, a scared little girl who never really believed she was loved.

Then one day God caught hold of me, he made me look at myself in the mirror without the make up, without the weave, without the expensive clothes. Then He told me to look at myself. He told me that I was beautiful because He made me. He told me that I was lovable because He is love. He asked me if I knew how many hairs I had on my head. I told Him no. He said, “I do. That’s how much I love you. I know the exact number of hairs you have.” Then he lead me to Psalm 139:14 where it says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” He then took me to 1 John 4:8, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” He told me that I was loved because I was His. That’s enough. I am loved because God is Love. What more could I ask for? The creator of Heaven and of Earth loves me. That’s enough. So now when the those thoughts of being unloved try to creep into my mind I say that’s a lie. I am loved because God is Love!

And let’s not forget His ultimate sacrifice of love. “For God  so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”

The song below also helped me a lot.